Existence

A Crazy Man's Thoughts
I cry and wish that...
I was in a different existence then the one I'm forced to live through day to day...
Not like a diffrent world or anything. Not like it would make much difference. Just a different place in general. Anyplace on any plane of existence in any universe on any planet, In any type of galaxy...
Just something to make me whole. For the first time in 18 years...
Nothing too drastic. Just somewhere where I would feel I belong. Im tired of being out of place, never seeming to matter In the "Big Picture"...
I wanna heal the pain I've felt so far!
I wanna feel like I belong to something REAL!
It all just feels like a big terrible story of human existence...
I just want something to cling onto.
Against my will, I stand up against my own reflection, and it's haunting how I can't seem to find myself...
The discomfort of the world pulls down on my shoulders... Never realizing, makes life disorienting...
The images of men being buried in their own pain and stupidity flash through my head when I try to see... Shattered skulls, broken bones, boiled & charred corpses of once living bodies drain the life from my mind...
Death, poverty, disease, all things that linger on the tip of my sanity... None Releasing... Only to beg to be let out..
The pain of forcing the Evil back that dwells in me for the crimes committed to God... Never releasing. Never to be known, always hiding. Never to be seen by Man until the time of the reckoning falls upon us and is unleashed unto the world...
The final transformation of child to man... Man to beast...
Hell's images in the dreams of my sleep. Never ending. Every time I close my eyes... Flashes of the beast in my head speak to me... Telling me of the future to come for man... Scenes no man should see, haunting my mind... Implants of people's pain... The pain of hell's torment...
The inexplainable intuition of future events... Now of changing things to come. No way of telling. Another of the pain.
Why... Why... Why me?
Why ME?
Why not another child of condemnation?
"Praise God and Jesus" they say. The wide spread truth of Jesus and father... The almighty Entity very few have had the honor of being blessed by the sight of...
The God they know not of... the god of Faith...
The God of no control over them... They wonder, in their jobs and daily lives, not seeing the revealing truth, they can only help themselves... The one gift of God that turns the tables on him... Choice....
Choice..Death by population and belief.
God... Ha!
No sign of Him in The fate chosen for me...
The dreams... They return to me... Ha! I know the not... Yet I finally understand the purpose in my life!
This isn't hell I have been Envisioning... It's hell On earth... Earth! I haven't been in reality... Or have I?
Does man have any explanation of himself and his future self? Who is to say that they wont collide in a dream state? We know little of dreams. Not enough to prove what origin they are or the intuition they bring...
Intuition... What is intuition? Theory or push on another man, your decision. But what if... What if... Is it is it possible that I could have been right all along?
Those blackouts... It wasn't the percent, but the One who I see in my dreams... Taking over in the earlier part, of what is to become of what man will know as life?
Could It be???
Could It??? Is it possible that it had started as a warning that I didn't notice? I somehow missed it... I can feel it coming... I know who you are... I can't stop you, but I can tell you through thought... I know you can hear me. Wherever you are, deep in the confines of the brain... You may win. But I will always be a part of this body! You can put me in a deep coma, but I will resurface... I may have mistakenly let you in, or did it come through invitation... Could it be the truth? I called upon you that night... Could that be all there is to it, and now, when I sleep, I'm forced to live in your mind. In your world, and vise versa, till at last they merge, and I'm left insane... No explanation from doctors or man, but insanity from brilliance... A modern Doctor Jeckel and mister Hide, but through the transformation of thought and soul.
The pain of the sun... Could this be the residue of part of your soul left stuck to my hollow aura you left behind... Beyond the control of God...
The vast emotional trains of thought never to be realized. The inability to be harmed beyond flesh wounds...The hurt of the beat and the man... Half of me now lives in you, and half of you now living in ME... Yes, but how does it not make this truth seen from all angles...
The next step in humanity: looking for answers and realizing the plague upon himself...
But is it possible? Can it be done?
Can I, you, us, what's this "Thing"..(Thing Not sure what I could say. We are two different species in one body. With an outward appearance to throw off the sent)..
Was I the strong one you needed?
Can I only get clues through sleep? Is this the only time you must seek me from the plane of existence I called you out of?
If i sleep at night Will it happen agine..Why is it if i sleep during Daylight U dont Visit??
Are you scared of the sun? What kind of being are you? Is it that hard for me to accept that you are what I know you to be... Is it that hard for me to accept that that's what you are? ...But... Why?
The dreams... Why are they so real? Is it my soul leaving my body? And if so, why is it so Evil? Why must I have the soul of a demon? Did you do this to my soul slowly over the past 2 years of allowing me to see in a different plane of existence?
Is that the secret that man has been searching for, is it through dreams? The same wave as meditation, we visit other worlds and you have awakened it in me, and allowed me, at the cost of the transformation of my soul... Ha! My soul, the skin tight face... The horns of the beast, building from my skull, the toes of the beast, long and red, as if burnt or left in the sun too long, but not harmed... The robe, the brown robe to cover your face... The knees positioned to bend up, not forward... The legs of an animal, not a man, but not fur covered, but... How? ...Is this the final transformation of the damned? A beast, but a man. The eyes of blistering fire wood cools.
The Pain in the eyes of a creature once a man.
The dreams. Oh my God. The Dreams... Reality... Dreams... Can they be the same, but two different planes of existence, showing us the way to our true selves which we will become? Or just for those choice few...
The dream... Showing me the way... To the portal... Stepping threw to show where man will end. Where this kind Of man/beast will prosper for that long extension of time before forced back where they spawned. Only to become the legend of myth and lore once again.
Is this easier for them to accomplish than man thinks? Man does not believe in these things which have come from my head as truths. Proof, ha! No Proof. What if there was proof? Would anybody believe in these things which I dare not Speak?
Would it be classified as insanity?
Could a dream be the link between present and Future??? ...Or an alternate reality of the one you live in. A link to another of yourself OR possible future??
Is it possible, the feelings in a dream, are just the feelings of that existence.
The foggy aura just em the memory. And if not memory, effects of travel to this world or state of being..Could the foggyness be your soul, not used to the outside of your earthly body?
And when not foggy, could It be your body adjusted, or adjusted I should say TO its surrounding and now its just another reality you have to live in. Does this mean I never rest if I live in both existences???
Which brings me back to "Why Me?". Why am I the One? Or are there more I never noticed who frayed from the experiences to speak of, and what's to say that these others on this other existence are from my same time period or plane or universe or even existence, for that matter, as I know it. Could it be a merging point before the call???
And why has it taken 2 Years? If that's the actual amount of time I have been in this torn between state. What if it hasn't been two years but for others it has? Could I be older then earths time or even younger? Who's to say how old or young I am? If I were to say I lived in both of these existences...??...Could time be different than that from the fluctuations in travel...???
Changing time as man knows it for me?
Will man or myself ever know what these changes are? Could it be the end of mankind, and the birth of Hell's beasts?
We will not know till the time comes.

Art:"Jonny The Homicidal Maniac" By:Jhonen Vasquez